


Dungeons, Dragons, and Sufganiyot

by Zara_Zara



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dungeons and Dragons, Friends to Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Hanukkah, Jewish Connor Murphy, Jewish Evan, Jewish Evan Hansen, Jewish Zoe Murphy, M/M, Roommates, Some Swearing, TAZ - referenced, The Adventure Zone is referenced, Treebros, i practically write nothing but AUs lol, i think Connor swore once, insecure!Evan, is that a thing?, this is so AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:22:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21950647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zara_Zara/pseuds/Zara_Zara
Summary: Evan never thought he'd meet his best friend online by playing Dungeons and Dragons. When he did, it was one of the best things to have happened to him. But as they grew closer online, he never once saw his friend.However, when Evan moved from Colorado to New York...Things changed a little.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 10
Kudos: 100





	Dungeons, Dragons, and Sufganiyot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CravingCraze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CravingCraze/gifts).



> Happy Hanukkah to any Jewish readers!! And a happy holidays to all!! 
> 
> This is for my friend, CravingCraze. We wanted to do a gift exchange with each other and he requested several different prompt ideas that I combined into this lol. It turned out much longer than I expected...Hope you liked it, Craze!

They met through Discord. 

Sometime between his Senior year of high school and his Freshman year of college, Evan got really into playing Dungeons and Dragons. 

It was all because of Jared.

Jared started playing a campaign with one of his friends from Jewish camp but then he soon grew bored of it. Instead of asking if he could just leave, he had asked Evan if he could just take over for him. 

_The rules are simple._

_But--but I don't know Jared. What if they realize I’m not you?_

_Trust me. They won’t. It’s all behind the screen, dude. They can’t see your face. Don’t think about what I would do, think about what Takko From TV would do…_

At first, he was scared to take Jared’s place without telling anyone because _what if they notice?_ _What if they notice and then they banish him from the forum?_

But they didn’t. 

Evan found he was really good at making up things he thought Jared’s character Takko would say, but soon it became _Evan’s_ character and it was actually really fun. Jared’s friend’s campaign took a while to finish but it was so worth it. He would go to sleep sometimes and dream about distant imaginary places and of ending up in crazy situations the other player’s characters. But when it ended with a big bang and cheers in the forum, the comments of what a good campaign it was soon trickled away until everyone went on to different campaigns or to other things.

So then, Evan was left to find another campaign---but, it didn’t take long. 

During his Sophomore year of college, Evan found another campaign to join. It was an interesting campaign that took place in space but still had fantasy elements. Evan made his own character and chose the Ranger class. After their second session of his new campaign, Evan received a DM. 

**gaywalkinturtle: still can’t believe u rolled a 20 and absolutely fucking flipped that giant worm’s mind into not eating us**

Evan didn’t know what to say, he’s never been DM’d before in Discord. He usually just plays these games and doesn’t talk to anyone else outside of the campaign. 

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan: me neither. But you ended up turning our fight into a WWE match_

**gaywalkinturtle: heh yeah**

**what do you say we try and derail our campaign?**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan: !!!_

_How about we don’t??_

**gaywalkinturtle: I was just kidding**

**but unless…**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _unless_ _…._

And then their conversation stopped that night but Turtle messaged Evan again the next night.

**gaywalkinturtle: what goes up must come down**

**what happened to your roll 20?**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _Don’t remind me_

**gaywalkinturtle: Dude instead of persuading the ice giant to give us tha paper u rolled 1 and it yeet’d it out into the galaxy**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _yeah..._

_kind of reminds of when you tried lying to the guard but you rolled a one and it completely saw through you….Making us have to solve an additional puzzle._

**gaywalkinturtle** **: didn’t need to go there!**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan: U started it!_

**gaywalkinturtle** **: I won’t confirm nor deny that**

5 minutes passed.

**gaywalkinturtle** **: What do you think of the new Frozen movie?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _Into the Unknown was great but I liked Show YOurself MOre._

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: Dude, me too**

**Story was kinda wack**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan: I know! It didn’t make much sense because…_

After that night, they messaged each other at least once a night even on the nights when they didn’t have a DnD session. 

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _what does your username mean?_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: gaywalkin is a pun on jaywalking because I once saw this turtle crossing the street like at midnight by my house.**

**For a second, while I helped it across, I felt like i understood something important.**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _What was it?_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: I forgot immediately after rip**

**what about yours?**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _It was not actually mine, this was my friend’s account and I kind of just took over_

 **gaywalkinturtle** : **U stole it?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _more like adopted it_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: so what would u change it to?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _idk_

_wall_

_tree?_

_walltree_

**gaywalkinturtle** **: like for wall street? Are you a business major?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _No and no_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: i’ve never been happier in my life**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _idk i was thinking of a wallflower but i like trees so walltree_

_got something against business majors? Again, not that I’m one_

**gaywalkinturtle** : **neat**

**and yes. I have everything against business majors**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : care to elaborate?

 **gaywalkinturtle** : **No**

**ok yea actually, ok so there’s this business major asshole in my class and...**

A whole year passed and Evan felt like he had never made a closer friend in his life. The thing is, although Evan had never seen a picture of Turtle anywhere, nor had he ever even found out their real name---Evan found it didn’t really matter...Not really…He would like to ask to see Turtle but that would mean revealing himself to Turtle in exchange. If he did that, Turtle would find out how truly boring and ordinary-looking Evan is and Turtle’s potential rejection would be really hard to take.

So, for months, they continued to talk as they always had. 

And then months turns into years. Evan graduated college and through all that time, not once, had he seen Turtle’s face or heard their voice. 

But, they’ve played many campaigns together and it’s almost the same as creating actual memories together.

Right?

During mid-December, Evan moved from Colorado to an apartment in New York---not New York City, that’d be way too expensive, but a place by a city called Rochester. He found a job up there and decided it would be best to find an apartment with a roommate he could split the costs with. He didn’t much like the prospect of staying in Colorado, he felt that if he didn’t leave Colorado straight after graduating, he would never leave and just settle. Never to leave the state. He’d get a desk job and then get his own place, maybe meet someone, start a family, and then it’d occur to him that he’s never even gone to another continent because he was too busy shuffling papers and worrying about his next mortgage payment. 

At first, it was a little rough finding a place. He made more than a couple calls with some places he thought would be promising but soon grew exhausted by the anxiety of calling those people. Evan had improved his phone-calling abilities over the years but, as he discovered with eight consecutive calls, he had a limit. As a last resort he asked Jared for some help in making some calls, but Jared soon grew tired of Evan’s indecisiveness in picking a place. It wasn’t until he had a chance encounter with Alana Beck, that he got the information of a friend of hers that she met in University who was looking for a roommate. 

Alana gave him her friend's information and after a series of brief emails, Evan was offered a room. He decided, he was done looking for anywhere else and he would choose that place because Alana's friend lived there and he trusted her judgement. 

On Evan’s arrival to the apartment, he found a note on the kitchen counter. In hastily scribbled writing, it simply stated:

_Had to go. Be back in a couple days._

_-CM_

Well atleast his flatmate got to miss the sad sight of Evan carrying only two boxes of possessions and taking only an hour and a half to get settled in. Evan was glad he found this place, it was within Evan’s budget and he didn’t have to buy any furniture because it was included in the rent.

Some days after moving into his place, Evan shuffled to his apartment and willed his hands to gain sensation once again. Of course it was cold in Colorado during winter, freezing in fact, and New York proves to be much the same, but one never really grows an immunity to the freezing cold. Or atleast, Evan was never able to. Those Canadians are something else, walking around in shorts during below freezing temperatures. Evan shook his head at the thought and pulled out his phone to share what he saw on the subway with Turtle when he bumped into someone on his way to his apartment door. 

“Sorry!” Evan jumped when some of the hot tea from his drink spilled on his hands. 

“Watch it,” the person who bumped into him loped off to the elevator. Before it closed, the guy flicked his blue eyes upwards at Evan and then the elevator doors sealed shut.

Feeling disgruntled he entered his apartment. Evan sat with his computer opened to Discord and noticed a new message from Turtle.

**gaywalkinturtle** **: heh what if you moved into my apartment building?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _what would be the odds?_

Last night, Evan had told Turtle about moving but he didn’t have a chance to check his messages until now. His heart fluttered to see that Turtle responded with:

**gaywalkinturtle** **: i don’t think i’d be that lucky**

The thing is, Evan went and caught feelings for someone he’s never seen. Sure, he met them through the internet, but does that really count as meeting?

Through all the years they’ve played DnD together and talked to each other, sharing their ups and downs, creating inside jokes, sending each other pictures of what the other thought they’d like---Evan went and fell for Turtle. 

Turtle is so kind and witty and smart. Evan is none of those things. He can only appear witty, smart and kind because he had time to think up such responses online. In real life, he’s a mess. 

Evan briefly imagined meeting with Turtle, they’re just a shapeless being that consisted of all their conversations. In their hands, Evan remembered when Turtle told him about the one time they tried climbing a tree and scraped their hand rather badly while doing it. In their hair, Evan remembered about how Turtle told Evan about how they thought about growing it out and when they did they felt very happy. In their ears, Evan remembered about the piercings Turtle said they got and how painful it was to get their cartilage pierced. 

Evan knows all these things about Turtle and yet it’s like using a telescope to look at a painting way up close. That was an eye, yep. And that was a finger! But how did that nose look again? All these distinctive parts that make up his friend, but he doesn’t know exactly how they fall together. Despite this, the feeling he gets from them is warmth, and that’s all that really matters. 

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _Well...I am in New York now._

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: Seriously? Now we seriously need to meet up**

**_I mean if you want to_ **

**_I get it if you’re not ready yet_ **

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _i don’t kno_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: it’s ok**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _im sorry_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: don’t say sorry i get it**

Evan grabbed a pencil and nervously tapped it against the table, he typed: _I’ll think about it_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: alright**

Evan thought about it and he thought about it but through all that time of thinking he still didn’t know what he wanted to do. 

He would very much like to see Turtle but he’s afraid of what will happen after. Evan is still bland and ordinary, that much hasn’t changed since they started talking. Would Turtle be dissapointed? 

He wondered how Turtle thought of him in their head, Evan is sure that whatever they think of Evan (Kellogg) the image would be dashed to pieces. Evan still wears polo shirts, the kind that he’s worn since high school. He traded khakis for jeans after Jared finally broke one day at the sight of him and shoved a pile of jeans at him in a store. He’s boring looking, all round-faced and pale and he has the kind of personality that disappears in a crowded room…

Evan is Evan. He’s not whoever Turtle thinks Kellogg is. And when Turtle discovers this, what if they never talked again? Evan doesn’t want that. 

Evan took an uneasy nap on the couch because maybe he’d come up with a solution in his dreams.

He jolted awake when he heard the noise of a key at the door and the sound of it opening. Evan panicked and immediately sat up right as the lights flicked on.

“Holy shit!” _Thud,_ a loud noise as something that sounded like bags fell.

Evan turned to see the guy from earlier standing at the open doorway. He’s struck silent.

The guy is tall, Evan can tell that much even while he’s sitting on the couch. The guy---no, his roommate, has brown shoulder-length hair, and blue eyes that narrow from widened shock to semi-recognition, “O, it’s you.”

Evan choked on his own silence, he simply nodded. 

For a couple seconds, neither of them moved. 

But then, the guy fidgeted at the doorway and kicked the door closed with his heel, he ran a hand through his hair. Awkwardly, he said, “Hey, um, about earlier this morning, I was in a rush and didn’t mean to rush off like that…”

Evan nodded again.

The tall guy said, “I’m Connor.”

Evan shook off his shock and shakily got up, “Hi, it-it’s alright, I wasn’t looking where I was going. Sorry, about that. I’m--I’m Evan, by the way. Can I help you with those?” Evan pointed to the bags of groceries still at Connor’s feet. 

Connor looked down and then shrugged, “Sure, you don’t have to---”

Evan lifted a bag in each hand and moved them to the kitchen. He likes to be useful and if he had just sat there while Connor did all this he would have felt an anxious gnaw to do something.

“Okay, then,” Connor brought the other bags and gave Evan a curious look before he pulled a can out and open a cabinet behind him and started putting things away. Evan awkwardly scrolled through his phone and sneaked glances at Connor. He had a lean build and wore a navy blue sweater that had little holes peeking through particularly by the sleeves, the sweater hung loosely off his frame, and looked soft like his hair. 

“Alright,” Connor closed the fridge and gave Evan a considering look. “Have you had dinner?”

“No, I was taking a nap,” Evan sheepishly said and wrapped his arms around himself. 

“Me neither. Want some mac n’ cheese?” Connor also hugged his arms around himself, mirroring Evan. 

“Why not?”

Connor set a pot of water to boil and leaned against the counter, the light caught his eyes and Evan, for the first time, noticed a brown spot in one of Connor’s eyes, “So, Evan, where are you from again?”

Their conversation was a little stilted and had a lot of long pauses where both of them would stare at their bowls of macaroni as if asking the golden noodles for conversation starters. 

By the end of their dinner Evan learned that Connor has lived in Rochester all his life, he has a sister, and that he makes illustrations for books. He just recently graduated from college, like Evan, and decided to find an apartment but had to find someone to split the costs with (like Evan). 

Connor explained, “I keep odd hours. I’ll be around but not really.”

Evan shared things about himself, such as how he used to live in Colorado, he briefly mentioned his step-siblings (he hopes his therapist is proud wherever she is right now) and that he is an environmental science major.

“So, are you all about hugging trees and all that?”

“In a way,” Evan chewed thoughtfully on his macaroni, “There’s science that proves they like them.”

Connor’s head jerked up at that, “Really?”

“No, I’m just kidding,” Evan pulled his ear and hoped that what he said wasn’t lame. But, when he looked back up at Connor’s geometric-shaped face, he was smiling at Evan. 

Evan doesn’t think he’s ever seen a face more geometric than Connor’s. Evan doesn’t know why he thinks it’s geometric, but it is. Connor has all these angular parts to his face, a sharp jaw and pointy chin, visible cheekbones and what-not. Evan wants to pull out a protractor and get all the number for the exact angle of Connor’s cheekbone. 

They drifted after they were done eating, leaving Evan feeling exhausted. He is a slow eater so it felt like the longest time to finish. Evan felt bad for feeling exhausted after speaking with his new roommate but the extra attention Evan took to make sure he didn’t say anything weird or stupid was extremely exhausting. 

Connor plopped on the couch and Evan edged towards his room, he said, “Good night.”

Connor slightly turned, the light of the TV illuminating his profile, “Night.”

Before going to sleep Evan went on Discord and simply sent Turtle one message: Good night

********

Connor was right.

During the days that followed, Evan saw very little of Connor. While Evan got ready to head off to work and would nibble on half a bagel, he would sometimes see Connor shuffle sleepily out of his room and give a little wave before heading to the bathroom. On the occasions Evan didn’t see him, he would assume Connor was still asleep. 

By the time Evan got back from work at around 5:30, he wouldn’t see Connor till a half hour later when Connor stumbled out of his room and scrounged up something for a meagre dinner. During the brief moment when Connor opened his door, Evan is always able to catch a glimpse of an illustrator’s table with flashes of color or of elaborate black lines on wide wide paper. 

They share a brief couple words during the moments when they cross paths in their small space but more likely than not, it’s a shared unspoken agreement to gift each other the gift of silence without expectations. In that way, Evan really liked his roommate. But in another way, there is always this itchy feeling he has that he should be making conversation. He shared this with Turtle one day:

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: well why don’t u try talking to him?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _its difficult_

 **gaywalkinturtle:** **Do u get bad vibes around him? Do u feel uncomfortable?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _NO!_

_Sorry, no. I don’t. It’s just, idk._

**gaywalkinturtle:** **hmm. what does he do?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _he’s an illustrator_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: wack**

**is he any good?**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _idk i havent seen any of his stuff_

 **gaywalkinturtle** **: mayeb ask about that?**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _maybe_

_its also just...i like the quiet we have but i also get this feeling like i should say something! do you know??_

**gaywalkinturtle** **: i guess**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan: it’s ok_

_have u found another campaign u want to try?_

Things continue as they are until Saturday, Evan woke up late and was surprised to see a young woman sitting on the couch. The sounds of cartoons bubbled the air and Evan deliberated about shutting his door quietly so she wouldn’t see him but Connor stepped out of the room next to him and said, “Morning.”

The young woman turned and her eyes fell on Evan, she smiled brightly, “Hi, I’m Connor’s sister, Zoe. You must be his roommate. Evan, right?”

Evan nodded shyly. He doesn’t think he’s seen a smile that looks that bright ever and it’s more than his sleep addled head can handle at the moment. Is everyone in Connor’s family attractive?

“You’re from Colorado, right? Tell me, where is it colder, here or Colorado?”

Connor took a sip out of a mug of coffee, dark. Connor takes his coffee dark. “Zoe, he just woke up. Stop bothering him,” He’s wearing a maroon beanie and a thick black jacket, they’re heading out. As confirmation, Connor rolled his eyes and turned to Evan, “We’re going to be leaving soon and we’ll be outta your hair.”

Zoe turned off the TV and declared, “He should come with us.”

“What?” Evan and Connor said at the same time.

“Well, you’re new around the area, and maybe Connor and I can show you around a bit?”

Connor looked to Evan and Evan didn’t know what to say.

Zoe got up and slipped her jacket on, “We’d love it if you came.”

“Ok,” Evan blushed and quickly receded into his room to change.

They left and it was all a blur of going to all these new streets and shops Evan hadn’t seen before. 

At one point Connor even asked him, “You haven’t been here yet?” They stood shoulder to shoulder in a crowded cafe. Evan jumped slightly when someone knocked their elbow into his back. Connor glared at someone else behind him, “It’s usually not this crazy.”

“I haven’t really gotten the chance,” Evan ducked his head. That was not entirely true. He has had a couple good opportunities to go exploring but somehow staying cooped up in his room seemed like a better option than braving the freezing weather outside. However, Evan thinks this might be a place he’d like under different circumstances. 

They shuffled forward in the line, Connor played with the fingers of his glove, “I come here sometimes. I like the natural light. Coffee is decent too.”

When Evan and Connor received their drinks, on top of each lid, there was a little cookie in the shape of a snowflake. They both bit into their cookies pleasantly surprised. Evan quietly said, “I think we both rolled a 20 just now.”

Connor stopped right in the middle of the doorway, someone squeezed right passed him before he remembered to move, “Wait, you play DnD?”

“Yeah, you do too?”

“I play sometimes,” Connor said, taking a sip out of his drink. Evan was about to ask what campaigns he’s played when Zoe approached them from where she was waiting and eagerly accepted the drink Connor got for her, “Can we cross the street? There’s something cool I wanted to show you guys.”

Zoe led them across the street and around down a corner to a park. Within the park, Evan could catch sight of an ice-skating rink, and they walked towards it. Zoe pointed toward the people skating in circles to the music of songs from the radio, “Should we go skating?”

They looked to Evan to say a yes or no. He supposed it’s because he’s their guest. He looked out at the skaters and saw someone wobbly skate a few inches before slipping rather violently onto their back. He said, “No thanks, I’m Jewish.”

Connor choked on his sip of coffee and he and Zoe started laughing. Connor’s laugh is high and weedy and it’s the first time Evan has ever heard it and he grows a little sad that it ended so fast. But Connor still wore a smile when he said, “We’re Jewish too.”

“But we can still ice skate,” Zoe giggles, “Do you know how?”

“No,” Evan admitted with a smile of his own. 

“Do you wanna learn?”

“Umm….” Evan looked out at the people going around and around in circles and how it’d be the worst nightmare to have his balance be at a constant threat, “I’m ok.”

They moved on from there and spent the rest of the day roaming the city.

********

After that little excursion, Connor and Evan started to grow a little closer. Atleast, closer by Evan’s perspective because their conversations became a little less stunted and the long bouts of silence were slowly starting to break.

One day, when Evan was seated at the kitchen table, he was just about to open Discord when Connor placed a bag on the table. Inside the bag were little hints of blue and silver: Hanukkah decorations.

“It’s not much. But, do you want to help me put some of these decorations up?” Connor had his hair up and was wearing his glasses that Evan noticed he doesn’t wear outside. Evan could see he had piercings, black and silver studs lining one ear and a couple on the other. 

Evan helped Connor lay chains of paper, all in blue and white, on any viable surfaces. Connor also unraveled a string of snowflake lights and they weaved it through the iron bars of their mini balcony. Evan helped by grabbing the other string of lights, colored blue, and wove it beside the snowflake one. 

That only took about 15 minutes. They stood there proudly looking at their little space that had the beautiful navy blue and white of Hanukkah surrounding them. Connor raised his hand and Evan high-fived him, feeling a little proud himself.

He took out his phone and took a picture of it to show his mom.

********

The night before Hannukah began, Evan and Connor were watching TV and discussing the merits and evils of infomercials when Evan got a text from Jared.

**Jared: ha**

Evan curiously looked down at his phone and sent him: ?

**Jared: just had bubbe’s sufganiyot**

**Picture attached.**

For Jared’s cruel crime of rubbing in Evan's face the fact that could not have his bubbe’s jelly doughnuts, Evan will ignore him. Evan would not dignify Jared with a response.

Connor cautiously asked, “Something wrong?”

“My friend...My _family_ friend, he just texted me after weeks of silence, that he just had his bubbe’s sufganiyot.”

Connor winced in sympathy.

“No, you don’t understand. Those things are the best jelly donuts _anywhere._ It’s like a very old recipe that his family has spent years on perfecting…” Evan wanted to sound mad but he could hear his voice, he sounded hopelessly disappointed. Because, it’s not just that Evan couldn’t have that donut because he’s miles away

It’s a little because he’s kind of homesick.

Connor seemed to notice because he suddenly got up. He pulled on his jacket and started tugging on his boots, “Let’s go find some.”

“What, right now?”

** Later. **

It’s 11 p.m. at night, Connor and him are frying donut dough and pulling out a grand variety of too dark and too light donuts from the boiling oil, the TV is on and playing a rerun of _Friends_ , and Evan is somewhat grateful they did not successfully find any sufganiyot earlier that night. 

A couple of the bakeries they stopped by didn’t have traditional jewish holiday desserts. The one they did stop by was closed by the time they got there. The both of them stood outside and stared through the holiday display of delectable cakes and cookies. By the soft glowing lights of the little stars of Davids shining between the nice displays of the bakery’s deserts, Evan caught sight of the jelly donuts. He sighed.

On the drive back to their apartment, Connor suddenly pulled up to a grocery store. He parked his car and pulled out his phone, typing something with the look of a man who thought of a golden idea. Evan curiously asked him what they were doing and Connor showed him a list on his phone, when Evan looked closer he realized it was a recipe. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Connor smiled and hopped out of his car.

And that’s how they ended up here, at 11:30pm stuffing donuts with strawberry jam and kicking themselves for dropping the powdered sugar all over the kitchen floor in a big cloud of fine sugar.

Evan took out his phone and took a picture of the end product. He sent the picture to Jared.

********

The next day, it’s December 22nd, and the beginning of Hanukkah. 

Zoe was unable to make it to Connor’s place because she was going to celebrate it at their mom and dad’s home. Connor didn’t go too much into detail but he is not exactly welcome back home, even for Hanukkah. Evan found that greatly sad, but Connor said that Zoe would celebrate the following day with them. 

Evan and Connor first lit their shamash candle on their chanukiahs. The little flame on each of their helper candles, glowed a bright orange in between the navy blue candles they had placed on their candelabras. Evan’s menorah is one he inherited from his father, the one nice thing he has ever given him. It’s a beautiful and old chanukiah, Evan has never felt he had ever had a family, in the traditional sense, but having this chanukiah made him feel like he could feel the presence of the history of unknown family members he will never see nor know in life. Within the silver etchings, there’s a known and unknown history of his ancestors. 

He smiled briefly up at Connor as they sang their first blessings over the candles. They sang it quietly in Hebrew, the blessing rising and falling and meeting in their voices. Evan sang it to the light, and to that ever present feeling of something Great above him.

As they sang the blessing, Evan appreciated doing the blessing with someone he was just getting to know because, somehow, through sharing such an important moment, he felt like he’d known Connor for years. 

“Amen,” They both said.

And then, they sang the second blessing together. Evan felt like a blanket was starting to wrap around him. 

“Amen.”

Because it was the first night of Hanukkah, they recited shehecheyanu and then each of them lifted the shamash candle, and lit the first candle on the left. They both placed their shamash candle back in its slot and placed their chanukiahs on the breakfast table by the apartment window. 

********

The next night, Zoe joined them, with flushed cheeks from the cold. She brought her chanukiah and a Dreidel with a bag of chocolate coins. Connor immediately sifted through the small bag of chocolates and ate one, he tossed one to Evan in the process.

“Can’t you wait?” Zoe mock-huffed in disapproval, “What are you two, children?” She popped one in her mouth as well.

After singing their blessings over the chanukiahs, they played with the Dreidel on the floor of the apartment. 

They played until Connor slapped his hands on the floor and cried, “Dude, you’re just too lucky!”

Evan flushed in embarrassment, “I don’t--I don’t really know what happened, honestly.”

Zoe smiled good-naturedly, “Usually Connor’s the lucky one, that’s why he’s being a sore loser,” She stood and went to go grab a glass of water. 

Connor huffed about what she said but was interrupted when Zoe said, “Hey, did you guys make these?” Zoe pointed to the jelly donuts on the kitchen counter, “Can I try one?”

“No, we filled that one with battery acid,” Connor said flatly but Zoe already took a bite.

She hummed and rocked on her feet, “This is pretty good, you two. Good job! I think it’s missing something, though…”

Evan and Connor shared a glance and laughed quietly.

“What? What is it, Con?”

Connor sauntered over there and grabbed a donut, “Are you disrespecting our baking skills? In my own home?”

Zoe rolled her eyes and said something Evan couldn’t catch because he was caught up in a feeling of warmth in his chest. He could see Connor and Zoe playfully bantering by the sink but he couldn’t hear them. Zoe said something and then Connor threw his head back and laughed, but before he did, Connor sent Evan a grin filled with warmth. Evan felt seen.

All Evan thought, at that moment, was that he’d like to encapsulate this moment of belongingness for ever. 

He smiled and went to grab a donut himself.

The night passed peacefully and Evan turned in early. When he woke up at 1 in the morning for a glass of water, Evan saw Connor and Zoe still quietly speaking by the dining table. It looked like they were speaking about something important so Evan grabbed the water quick and went back to bed.

In the morning, Evan saw he had several messages from Turtle that was sent to him an hour after he had gotten up for water. 

**gaywalkinturtle** **: I need to tell you something**

**I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while**

**I like you**

10 minutes later

**i like you and i kind of sort of love you**

**I love you**

**that’s all**

6 minutes later

**If you want, we can pretend this never happened**

Evan continued on in a daze after seeing those messages from Turtle. It made him unspeakably happy when he read the messages. When he read those three words his heart soared and danced on a ray of sunlight.

But then it fell when he realized he couldn’t possibly tell Turtle he felt the same way because then there’d be absolutely no reason to not meet anymore.   
  


As a distraction, because Evan sorely needed a distraction, Evan decided to take Turtle’s earlier advice. Connor was lounging on the couch watching a cartoon when Evan asked him, nervously, if he could see his illustrations.

Connor blinked up at Evan from his lying down position on the couch, “Sure,” was all he said and then led Evan to his room. 

Inside, was Connor’s bed, barely made and with clothes scattered on it, Connor scratched his head, “Oops, ignore that, please.” On the other side of the room, was his illustrator’s desk. A big sheet of construction paper laid stretched out atop it and a lamp hung off the top. A small, orderly, clear plastic cabinet sat beside it with drawers of what Evan imagined to be many art supplies.

Evan approached the paper and the whirlpool of colors that he’d seen from a distance, coalesced into an image as he finally looked upon it. It’s a pencil sketch of two fantastical-looking characters doing something Evan can’t quite make out before Connor pulled that paper off and said, “This thing is for a commision, let me show you my actual art.” 

Connor leaned behind the desk and pulled out a big portfolio and set it on the desk. He carefully opened it and pulled out a different sheet of art and it’s beautiful.

The watercolor and pen drawing depicted a magical horizon with colorful canyons and a deep red sunset, part of it is not finished, it’s blank. Connor shuffled through various pieces, all of them of different landscapes and sometimes depicting a scene from what looked like a story. 

“These are wonderful,” Evan sincerely said.

Connor gave him a small pleased smile, “Thanks.”

“How did you get the canyon to look like this?”

They sat on Connor’s bed, and Evan asked Connor as many questions he could think of so that Connor could keep looking like that.

Like his face has gone younger as he pushed his hair behind his rather pointy ears and used his hands as he spoke passionately about his drawings.

“I know when to use the right color when...I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like instinct, you see? I just think this can look a little bit more green and then do it.”

Evan nodded even if he didn’t understand. He just enjoyed the way the sun shone through the window and made Connor’s hair shine slightly red. And he enjoyed watching his new friend’s eyes shine brilliantly and crinkle sweetly in smiles.

********

The next couple of days passed in much the same way until the end of Hanukkah. The night after the holiday ended, Evan and Connor sat at opposite ends of the couch. Both of them had their laptops in front of them, silently focused on what they were doing. 

Evan was playing DnD with Turtle in their new campaign when the Dungeon Master asked if they could end early. So then, he and Turtle talked about what they did over the holidays and what not. 

**gaywalkinturtle** : **I’ve just been celebrating Hanukkah with my roommate.**

 _TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _Cool, me too_

 **gaywalkinturtle** : **What did you do? Anything neat?**

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan: Just celebrated with my roommate. We played with the Dreidel (I won) and we made // Evan smiled at the memories and briefly looked up at Connor who was intent on his laptop._

_What did you two do?_

**gaywalkinturtle** : **We put up some decorations in the apartment, my sister came and we showed him around, and then we also made sufganiyot.**

Evan froze. That was uncannily like what he and Connor did. 

_TheInsanelyCoolKelloggMan_ : _What city did you say you live in again?_

 **gaywalkinturtle** : **Rochester**

**Why?**

Evan felt his heart race. If Connor is who he thinks he is...

Evan sent the picture he took of the sufganiyot to Turtle and waited for a reaction. The plate framed by stars of David and the donuts they made were kind of distinctive. 

When he looked up Connor’s eyebrows were scrunched and he looked closer at his laptop’s screen before he flicked his eyes up at Evan very briefly. 

A couple minutes passed with no response from Turtle.

Evan felt that this distinctly felt like what a show-down in an old Western movie must feel like. 

Next, Evan sent a picture of their balcony at night, all lit up with the string of lights he and Connor had placed there. Evan heard a small gasp and saw Connor’s shoulders tense.

Finally, Evan sent a picture of himself, closed his laptop, and stared at the logo on top of it. Evan scratched his head and debated if now would be a good time to run away.

“Evan?” Connor said quietly. When he looked at Connor, he looked stupefied and then he was suddenly grinning absolutely brilliantly, “Or should I say, Kellogg?”

Evan couldn’t contain his own smile and said, “Evan is fine and yeah, it’s me...Turtle.”

Connor choked on a laugh and covered his mouth, “Wow, that’s insane. What are the odds?”

Evan helplessly shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“You have no idea how long---this, this is great,” Connor put his laptop on the floor and scooted closer to Evan.

They sat there for hours and hours, just talking and recounting moments from their DnD games and from their chats over the years. Even if Evan already knew how a story would go, he would still listen to it as if he’d never heard it because _Turtle_ was telling it. _Turtle_ was Connor and Evan was learning how to connect the way Connor’s eyes scrunched up when he laughed to mean that _Turtle_ was laughing. 

When it reached midnight, Connor sighed and slid down the couch until he laid on the floor, “I can’t believe this.”

Evan rested his head against the armrest of the couch, “Me neither.”

“I never thought I’d get so lucky.”

“Aren't you supposed to be lucky at Dreidel?"

“Yeah, but that’s different. This is something that actually mattered to me,” Connor yawned and rested his head on his hand, “I-I’ve wanted to see you for a long time.”

Evan felt his heart warm but he fidgeted uncomfortable because even if this was something he wanted as well, he still felt his same old insecurities about meeting Turtle/Connor present, even if he had been speaking with his friend for hours---heck, even if he’d been living with him for two weeks, “I wanted to see you too...”

Connor quietly looked up at him, considering him, “Then why---” Connor frowned at himself and chewed on his lip.

“Did we wait so long?” Evan finished his question for him and sadly looked down at his hands, “I just didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Connor sat up as if shocked, “What? Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know” Evan picked at his nails, “I’m just...me.”

Connor slowly sat beside him, “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know, I thought I’d be disappointing from how you knew me online, you know?”

“You’d never be a disappointment, this is one of the best things to have happened to me...Meeting you,” Connor said in a sincere voice that made Evan’s heart feel less heavy, “I felt the same too,” Connor admitted and hugged his arms around himself, “But, we know each other now. If it means anything, I thought we were also becoming friends even when we didn’t know what we know now…”

“I thought so too,” Evan said, reflecting on the past couple weeks they shared.

“Cool,” Connor gave a crooked grin.

“Cool.”

They fell into a pleasant silence but then Evan remembered what Connor sent him earlier, way earlier in the morning. Connor seemed to remember too because he suddenly tensed up. He asked, unsure, “Did—did you read what I sent you earlier?” He was looking anywhere but at Evan.

“No---I mean, yes. Yes, I did,” Evan quietly admitted.

“How did you feel about it?”

The air grew heavier around them, Evan’s heart started to race again, stronger this time, “I-I felt the same. No, I think I feel the same.”

“Oh, um,” Connor’s eyebrows jumped and his mouth started twitching upwards, “You do?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“That’s…”

“Cool?” Evan suggested with a small smile, a warm feeling beginning to swirl in his heart. 

“Yeah, cool,” Connor huffed a laugh and shook his head and then leaned in closer to Evan, “Can I?” He asked in a whisper, eyes dipping to Evan’s mouth. 

Evan closed the distance between them. 

Warmth exploded between them, and Evan thought he could see lights behind his eyelids for the briefest of seconds.

Connor pulled away slightly, and rested his forehead against Evan’s “I can’t believe this.”

“What?”

“This. All of this. It’s almost too much,” Connor said with a smile in his voice, and then more quietly, "I've wanted to do this for a long time."

"Me too..."

And then they did it, again and again and again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Again, I really hoped you liked it Craze!! Y'all should check out Crave's stuff, he has a lot of good fics!  
> I'm sorry for any mistakes. I'm not used to writing in past tense so i know it's just riddled with mistakes so I'm really sorry.


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